Birthday Contemplations


Happy July!!
Happy birthday month for me!
I’m turning the big 50!

So I was thinking…
Given the chance,
What will I tell my 18 year old self
(or coincidentally, my college bound daughter)?

I’ll tell her not to pigeon-hole herself,
to welcome new experiences, and
live each day with an open heart.

When I was 18 starting college,
venturing out into the world,
the possibilities seemed limitless,
I was overwhelmed.

I seeked stability,
having lost the grounding and security of my childhood.
I set boundaries to make the world more manageable.
I groped blindly onto anything;
anything is better than nothing, right?

I have since learned to say listen to my inner voice again,
to take each breath fully.
I love the French word for breathing in – inspirer.
Our breath inspires…

A lady in her 60s told me last Friday
she started her day going to an exercise class at 5:40am
then went for a swim, and
waited for my 8:30 yoga class.
She spoke with a twinkle in her eyes:
“that’s what you can do when you’re retired”.
Yes, she inspires me!
I want that spark in my eyes when I’m 50, 60, 70, always.

Why let age be the limiting factor?

I started painting, yoga, violin, French, Japanese,
my M.A. in Women’s Spirituality in my 40s.

I won’t lie, it’s a little scary stepping into my 50s
(and no, I’m not thrilled about the wrinkles popping up on my face).

But I’m excited as well,
to continue to do the things that bring me joy.
A branny new page for me to make uniquely my own.
What notes will appear?
What harmony will emerge?
What music (or paintings) will I create?

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